Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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