Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
