im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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