I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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