Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's official drugs can't kill me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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