Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
