i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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