Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
