dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
