There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
