No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
