oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize