everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
