its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize