Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
