By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
