So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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