He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
