Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
