i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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