I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
