We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
