i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I love having hate sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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