dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
