I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize