I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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