I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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