God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize