I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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