Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
