Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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