My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
