She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
