some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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