So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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