I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
