I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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