I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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