When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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