There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
