dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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