Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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