No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also, beer. Big fan.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
