New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
