Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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