he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
