so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
