I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
