you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
