Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
