I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
