Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
