You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
