Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
