I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
