I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
