my shit smells like andre
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
