You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
