It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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