I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Shame - the story of my life.
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