dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
