Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
