i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
