omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
