I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
