I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
